It's Weird

It's weird

how I turn back my head

to take another look at that guy in the crowd

coz for a wild moment,

I thought it was you.

It's weird

how I keep checking the carplate number

of the brown car that whizzed by

because you drive the same car too.

It's weird

how I go to grocery shop

and I suddenly miss the times

we did that together.

Silly, we began in sucha place too, didn't we?

It's weird
how the memories come flooding in
at inopportune moments

sometimes I smile to myself when I think of them

sometimes I cry

for the lost time of the next few years.

It's weird

how sometimes I'm excited at this new adventure

how sometimes I wish desperately,

you were going with me

so that we could experience it in all its entirety together

without the need for me to describe it to you.

It's weird

how time seems to grow wings

when I am with you

doing nothing absolutely at all

oh, how happy times fly.

It's weird
how the future seems so uncertain
able to tip at the slightest weight

but we have the faith to fight for it

to build one together.

It's weird

how I tell myself

I'm getting better, a little bit stronger

and so easy it all falls,

crumbles to naught

when I see you again.

It's just weird...

life without you.

PS: I know I haven't been posting my poetry here for a long long time. Well, I was just out of inspiration. So this blog will just remain a place for the occasional poem. You can add it to your RSS feed so that you won't need to keep checking back k? ;)

Hope you enjoyed this one!

Do You Remember?

Do you remember that night?
where moonlight streamed in from the windows
making everything a silvery shimmer.

Do you remember how you spoke those words
"I'm gonna miss you" with emotion so
wrenching my heart tightly in my chest.

Do you remember the shadows of the buildings
interspersed against the wall?
so dark that one could called it romance.

Do you remember the pearly tears shed
thinking of what was to come?
The days, weeks, months of absence.

Do you remember the times we had together?
the funny, the sad, the happy.
Memories come aflashing through.

Do you remember how it feels to snuggle up
to someone you love and loves you back?
Warmth best shared on a cold day.

Do you remember our dreams, our hope
for a future with 'we' within?
my heart achingly wishing for it to come true.

Do you remember that night?

Why?

This time, there were no tears.
Just the sound of regret
and sadness whirling inside me.

Why? Why has it come to this?
the question echoes darkly.
but there is no resounding answer.

I'm alone on a dark moor
a plain of darkish thoughts
a lake of murky hesitations.

Torn into tiny little pieces
torn between two sides
the angel and devil in me fights.

the elusive question remains
no answer appears in my head.
why?! i screamed out aloud in the silent room

There is nothing wrong
everything is perfectly fine
am I asking for too much?

What happened to the feelings?
Where have they gone?
Did I force myself to change too much?

Stare blankly in the bathtub while the water runs...
Breeze in face looking out of the window
Empty eyes in front of the computer screen.

No.. the answer does not come.
How long before the answer discovers its finder?
Still I sit here... waiting.

And this time, I promise you,
there were no tears.
just cold sad loneliness..

Lost To Me

The calendar has just flipped a few
of its yellowing pages
but turn back I did
to find
there is none of the old you.

Why? tell me please.
What had the world done to you?
For you to change your cloak
so dramatically
from one of white to that of wicked black?

I can't find it
however desperate I try to clutch
at any shred, any hint.
Unable to capture any glimpse of the old you
Not even a mere glimmer of that past shine.
Now? All that glitters is not gold.

All this new glitter is shallow fluff
Is this the sort of superficial
that you were seeking for?

It's disheartening to see you change
from someone of dignity
to a peacock full of beauty but nothing else.

Maybe you lack it when it was appropriate.
And now it's the time you start looking
for something that was never yours.
I just hope that you know clearly
what the future holds for you.
And no regrets shall ever fall from your lips.

With that, I bid you good luck and adios,
my old friend.
For I fear, you are lost to me forever.

Hush

Hush, don't cry...
Tell me, twinkling stars in the sky
Don't you sometimes wonder
was everything nothing more than
a wonderful mistake?

You were a risk
that I willingly took
that I plunged off for
into the deep end
without any ending in sight.

Hush, don't lie...
Tell me, silent winds that chill the night
Do you really miss my warmth
or is it that you just can't bear to see
the vapourization of water crystals?

I wish very much
to become the strong person I appear to be
from the outside
but inside this person
can be just as fragile as the tiniest flower bud.

Hush, my dear...
For you, I am willing.
Coz it is only with you
that even the most bitter of moments
turn sweet.

Journeying For Dreams

Sometimes in the lateness of night's cover,
don't you wonder at everything
how life seems to be made up of
a series of ups and downs...
always keeping us at our toes' end.

No rest, just continous slogging on
the path is long and winded
there are rivers and moutains
as wide as huge as the imagination can weave.

Those are the obstacles waiting to meet us
waiting to bring us down
down I may go
but up I will rise again
with wit and determination
to reach my destination.

The motions are set into work once again
who knows how it all will turn out?
pray may I be blessed
with good luck and good fortune
that I may surpass myself someday
that I may look back and say
it's been a good journey.

Breaking Of The Glass Heart

Mind is blank, soul is empty,
staring eyes are glassy.
Emotions are all riled up,
bubbling within me,
threatening to spill out into tears.

Utter these words of poison you did,
my heart seems to be made of glass,
breaking into tiny shards,
unable to represent its original sentiment,
lined with blood,
edges still sharp enough for more pain.

I am not you but I am trying to understand
but why are you shaking your head?

Pls don't turn into this stranger
that I do not know,
that say things that tear me up inside,
that does things that bring me tears.

I do not know
how much more I can shed pearls of white,
how long more before my heart turns cold.
Pray that will never happen a time too early.
Pray that it will never happen at all...

A Night Like This

It's nights like this
where the feeling of loneliness
slowly engulfs you,
eating you up inside.

The moon is full and bright
the cats howl outside
crickets play their eerie music
but the rest is solitude.

The old fan keeps blowing
the door is still creaking
the light keeps flickering
but there is nothing else.

Raven tresses blow in the wind
lips open but no sounds are heard.
Mind is awake
heart is asleep in pain.

There are many things to do
many things to see and hear,
but none willing to accompany
to pass the silent lonely night.

What is this feeling?
Of being left alone...
on a night like this.

Can Someone Tell Me...?

Oh, why has this happpened
to those who truly were kind
from the bottom of their hearts
and did not deserve any of this...

Oh, why, can someone tell me,
does the good die young
while the scoundrels go free?
No answer echoes in the distance.

How my heart aches
to make you feel better
in any way possible
but wavered in the horizon it did.

I'm trying, trying
and still trying
but to no avail.
I've failed in my quest to help.

For once, I'm helpless
sank to my knees
despair overwhelming me
can someone pls tell me why?

No one can tell me why,
I'm left all alone,
echoes rebound
on the dark plain moors.

Alone. Silence.

Short But Beautiful

All passion was lighted ablaze,
by an intense need of emotions,
Everyone faced the heavens,
anticipating the bursts of dancing lights.

Peoples' faces brightened,
as the fireworks coloured the night sky,
flying in their dizzy circles,
bringing a symbol of hope to all.

The fireworks, the sparks pretty as they were,
struggled albeitly so brief
in its embers of dying glory,
at last swallowed by the enveloping darkness.

Although the sparks were alive
for a time too short,
at least we were there
to experience its beauty of it all.

It might have been so much more
but destiny bids us to another path
we have no choice but to tread,
Does the walker choose the path,
or the path the walker?

My mind is tired of its overactivity,
it begs rest for some period
for a peace desperately seeked,
a while forgotten
but hopefully soon returned. *Peace*

A Different Sort of Days

I remember those days of long ago
where I'd wake up
thinking of all the things
that have gone wrong in my life.

They were probably trivial
probably minute
but they bothered the perfectionist in me
leaving me gasping for air.

Until you came along
giving me another kind of breathless
turning my world inside out
in a good way perhaps.

Now I have a new sort of days
where I'd wake up
with a tiny smile
written on my face.

You brought me a new meaning
a new way of thoughts
a different experience
a new kind of feeling.

You make me wanna be a better person
you gave me strength
you renewed my dreams of a future
you pass me the beacon of Hope.

I never dare hoped for "forever"
but I cherish the times we have together
and everything we learnt
from this beautiful detour in life.

Future Untold

The truth has been bared,
with a suddenness so swift,
that leave us open mouthed
in this new twist of the plot.

But still we both hesitate,
to take the next plunge,
doubts buried deep remain still,
for both are new at the game.

We're afraid of the future,
for we dunno what it holds.
Could it be the harbinger of doom?
Or could it spell an ending so sweet?

At a loss, emotions all wound up,
The ups and downs are like none I've ever known,
Feelings sometimes strongly felt,
At time, a void of nothingness.

I guess it's all a calculated risk,
a game of vulnerability and dependence,
of possible hurt and happiness,
The stakes of this gamble are high.

Do we want it enough
to weather through the storms?
To smile through the sunshine?
To make it work?

The ending is up to us to weave,
there might be no forever,
but at least we had something to remember,
memories of a time spent together.

.: Destiny :.

It must be destiny smiling upon us,
the winking stars that willed us to meet,
in ways so strange that leave me breathless,
about the seamless beauty of it all.

The feeling of all being so right,
well, on second thought...maybe not.
Coz there's a little patch of darkness
cometh of a past that is hard to be forgotten.

Should one close a blind eye
and pretend that the scar didn’t exist?
But either road chosen might lead to regrets
A fear that is whirling inside me.

Are our fates written in the stars?
Coincidence seems an unlikely alternative.
How can something so right be wrong?
Yes! It must lead to something amazing..

One must not get too carried away
in the comfort of beauty.
Coz love and hurt comes hand in hand.
And I'm afraid of being hurt.

But I guess like everything in life,
There is always a risk..
If I were to not live in vain,
I think I'm willing to take these risks,
to search for a magical ending.

The Road Chosen

Now The Time has cometh
for me
to stand straight and tall,
to draw in deep breaths,
to look into myself for courage
I did not know I have,
to brace myself for obstacles
that will pass me forth.

I'm going into the battlefield
a lone ranger,
only with my instinct and conscience
as my loyal companions.

Every person I meet,
whether friend, foe,
or a passing shadow,
This I do not yet know.

Charge, my friends!
Give up?
No such phrase in my vocabulary!
Persevere with will
and the dawn
will emerge from the dark shadows.

Yes, this is the Road I've chosen.
I pray that this is the right one
for me on the map
and that I won't get lost.
Time to take the first step!

Examination Blues

For joy, I shouted!
Absolute euphoria!
Examz are finally over...!
For months we've slogged,
pored over revision books...
until we nearly puked!
Burn the midnight oil until dawn,
trying to cram 2 years of work into a few days,
accompanied with headaches that come with the deal.
Finally the nightmare has ended!
And now the time has come
for us to have unending fun
till our hearts' content.

I bade farewell to the examination blues.
So long has it tested my courage,
my will power and my discipline.
Thank goodness
the terrible ordeal is over now.
Everything is back to normal again,
I need not put my life on hold for this stupid exam,
I need not feel guilty anymore
for watching that movie
or surfing the net in my free time.
So haunting the feeling of suppressed guilt,
it lingers
and I still remember...

It feels like a large burden
has been lifted off our weary shoulders.
The manicles on our hands,
the chains on our feet
-unlocked.
For triumphant joy
floods into our singing hearts!
That once more
we are free again to play and have fun.
I hear long-forgotten laughter, oh!
How clear and tinkling it sounds!
Now, that's the true laughter
of a happy bunch of people!
Cheers!
To the end of Examination Blues!

PS: I wrote this a long time ago, but didn't posted it up. Hope you like it now! :D

Place of Knowledge

The cold wind play with my hair,
I turn back and see
in my mind's eye,
the warm happy place
that sheltered me
from the thunderstorms of youth.
I have to leave it now,
to seek a new future
to find my way
to the next crossroads of life.

I remember fondly
the hall of knowledge
and the memories it brings.
It nurtured me to become
the person I am today.
Far from the little innocent I was
when I first stepped through
these noble gates.

For that I have
grown in ways too many to tell.
With different viewpoints of life,
and different attitudes to face obstacles,
The place has strengthen my resolve,
steeled my will,
to work among the people,
and do my best
for a better world,
for you and for me.

The gates close
with a cruel clang
that resonated into the distance.
It was time
to shoulder new burdens,
to shrug off weary trivialities
to be the best that I can be.

I'll walk steadily down this path
littered with ruts,
till the day I meet a dead end.
I can rest in peace
in the memory
that I had not arisen in vain.

Letter of Fate

Suddenly, The Day has come upon us,
without warning it swooped,
so silently
while we were still basking
in the stifling throes of joy
hard gotten by.

I cry desperate tears of anxiety,
waiting for the dreadful Letter of Fate,
fortelling one's path of life to come.
The waiting is too much
for my fragile shoulders to bear.
I'm swirling in a maelstrom
of hopes and negativities.

Oh, it has cometh!
I tore it open with trembling fingers,
almost ripping it into tiny shreds.

It's no good.
My life - finished!
To feel all my hopes come crashing down,
tumbling around me,
while I crouch in horrible despair.

Drown myself in hopes dashed so I will.
Pearls of grief wash my pallid face.
Dry sobs break the momentary silence.
Speeches of sorrow dripped from these lips.

This is it.
I'm finished.
Regret tears me apart,
I'll never be whole again.

Do or die?
I think I died.

No More Crying

I'm not the type of girl
who cries when something goes wrong.
Other girls shed tears
when they had tasted slight failure.
I just bite my lip,
stare straight ahead,
promising myself to work harder next time.

I won't give it
to my stinging eyes,
showing weakness in front of everyone
juz isn't my thing.
I do not need the pitying eyes
nor do I need the fake words of sympathy.
For they pain me more
than the real cause of pain.

Shining pearls smudging up my face
Something I can do without.
What I really need is a
good kick at the coke machine
or a good kick-boxing session
at the local gym.
Just let me
sweat off the disappointment and anger
of a well-deserved failure.

Remember that you told me
real guys don't cry?
You know what?
Girls like me don't cry either.
I might slam my foot into the wooden door,
getting an excruciatingly pained-toe,
I might punch the washroom mirror
into sparkling shreds.
But listen to my promise
I would never cry
nor shed a tear
in front of an audience,
for sympathy is the last thing i will ever need.

People say---> No War.
I say---> No more crying.

Fairytales & Love

Come closer,
I will bare my soul
and tell you the truth.
I’m not the sort of girl
who needs her Prince Charming
coz there’s no such thing.

Sorry, I don’t believe in fairytales and what-nots.
They are for the very young
and the naïve.
Yes, they may be intriguing
but they will never be enacted in real life.

Is there such a thing as
a practical realistic love story?
If there is, please sign me up.
No hesitation.

I’m searching for true love
that will last
but I don’t dare to believe
that we will “live happily forever”.

I know, I have to be brave,
give you my share of love
but it takes guts
to prepare myself for the “loved and lost” story.

Maybe it is just too much of trouble.
I’m no risk-taker
when it comes to love.
I don’t wanna hurt again
so just let me be at peace
in blissful “singledom”.
No more risks,
No worries,
Resting in peace.

Compromise to Change

Apparently
being direct
isn’t the way to go.
We should not spread hurt around
coz’ it goes round in a vicious cycle.
But should I bury
my personality
restrain myself
hide behind a mask
to be cool, calm, collected
in every word uttered?
But that ain’t real for me.

I don’t want to lose my identity
the thing that makes us all unique
in many special different ways.
I don’t mean to hurt anyone
sorry that I spoke without thinking
sorry that I hurt you
but that wasn’t my intent.
Honest.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word
but forgive and forget
is the best policy.
All things said,
this time,
once again,
I will choose to walk
the middle path.
The grey area
between direct and reserved.
Change for the better I will.
Trust me.
Change I will.

Life is a journey,
is it not?
It doesn’t matter
about the destination.
Just hold back and enjoy the journey.
And Change is part of the journey.